Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I'm writing about them. I do.

Monday, 19 January 2015

#9

I think one of the hardest parts in life is when you try to move on from something but there's always something else or someone trying to stop you from doing so. They will try to poison your mind with various things, sometimes they might even use your past to defeat you. Beware. And I realized that life is like that, you won't pass a challenge that easy. Each time you come out with a good idea to have a better living, there's always something along the way that will try to negative that away or just trying to stray you from the right path. It's hard, especially if you're not born with amazing high survival skills but hey I believe that we're not in the position to complain too because everyone is fighting their own battle, this is life. And life is supposed to be hard, so that you'll learn and make improvements. I've spent months and years thinking how to overcome this but honestly there's no way no solution. You just have to accept it  and live with it because hmm this is the reality we're living in. Sad.

And yeah lupa nak bagitau, exam is over. Good bye shah alam, I'm so not going to miss you at all, I'll be too happy berjimba and bercuti di rumah nanti. See you later in March insya Allah.


Thursday, 15 January 2015

#8




"We try to use words to shape and describe reality. However, reality changes words far more than words can ever change reality"

Thursday, 8 January 2015

#7

Hi.

I won't say that writing is my passion because I don't think that I'm good in it. But one thing for sure, I like to write and it feels good to write rather than to speak sometimes ( can't believe I make this statement only god knows how talkative I am lol ). I stopped writing in my old blog since I think last year and it is undeniable that sometimes I really miss it. The idea that I want to start a new blog was so sudden. I can't recall the specific reasons for that but I guess one of the them is because I want to portray a new me, a matured image I guess. My previous blog was like a sort of a living journal I started it when I was 13 or 14 I can't remember the specific date. So of course lah me being a 13 year old, kena lah ada rempit sikit the language was alien, the pictures were mostly hmm me dreaming of becoming a super model and my entries were basically just about me, my friends and how much I hate my school lol. Then I decided to start a new clean blog with different agenda and objectives that is; to write as an adult in a more matured view.

However, looking back at the entries in this blog, I don't think that I portrayed any matured view at all, hmm maybe not yet.

And to start this new era of adulthood, I didn't just create a new blog, I even make a new Facebook account. I didn't regret much with the Facebook part maybe because I do think it was reasonable for me to create a new one as my old Facebook was filled with strangers that I didn't even know. Tu lah dulu kerja approve jer maklumlah kejar likers. The annoying part is when the strangers were too much that I found it hard to find my 'real friends' among these virtual and I didn't find it safe to post private things anymore. So yeah basically no regret much about the Facebook account, starting a new one is such a wish solution so far.

The 'o' blog was private for so long then one day I decided to make it public again because I don't know I don't find it offensive to let people read the entries even though deep inside I have this thinking that goes 'what if people read the old entries' 'what if people think me being so childish for writing everything up' But then hey I realize that you can't stop people from talking and judging. And those entries were just me being myself and I have to accept it even though being myself means I have flaws, I wrote stupid entries, I was so childish and etc. Deep inside I am proud of myself because I managed to write all that and expressed my emotions and feelings in a quite positive way. Thanks to it, my mum had it easy haha as I don't go through that 'emotional-crazy-zaman-remaja-memberontak 24/7' stage that much. I wasn't that rebellious (yekeeee).

Also, another reason why I made it public again because there are so many youngsters and teenagers that asked me to do so. I do understand because there are some entries where I shared about my experience going to various camps and interviews so I think that might be helpful for them. Also, if you ever come across I did share about some of my early passion where I decided to write about law school  and me wanting to become a person with legal knowledge.

One thing that I can't forget and almost cost me a heart attack is when I was in the car with my mum and  out of no where she suddenly opened up about this topic; me and my blog. And to let you know my mum is a very busy woman I don't think she ever read mine and we had never discuss about this openly about me having a blog and this is due to many reasons One, I find it cliche to let my mum know because for me if she wants to know something she can directly asked me and I prefer that kind of method rather than like being a spy behind my back plus come on satu rumah kot if I ever get moody she'll be the first person to notice and secondly my god I iz malu what do you think you're going to let your mum read all the shits you write, no way! So honestly I was shocked when she talked about it and a little bit nervous I wasn't expecting anything tapi tak tau kenapa cuak pulak hahaha.

She told me that other teachers in her school asked about my blog and why I had it private. And my mum mentioned that one of her friends' daughter really love my writing and she even dream to become a lawyer after reading my entries. I was so touched and happy awww awwww. I don't know and it never cross my mind that I will be an inspiration to others. So to that girl, adik if you ever come across this I would like you to know that I am very thankful that you like it and I wish you all the best for your dreams :)

I don't think that this is an okay way to end an entry but what to do I am tired already, me being 21 makes me act like an old lady. Sorry, that's all.

Oh oh the title can be the hardest thing to think of when writing an entry. That's why these days I always go with #1, #2 and etc. Play the man!


May 2011. I was 17 okay, the gap ahhhh.

Sunday, 4 January 2015

#6

You can't change people

I've been living for so many years with the idea that if I really put my efforts, I might be able to change or re-shape someone the way I want his/her to be. But seriously after so many years of experimenting, I discovered that you can never change someone, ever. So get over the notion that you can change a guy or a girl because it won't work. People are born with  different styles so it's quite impossible for you to change that style to match with your standard.  You can't change someone plus it is unfair for them at the first place. 

You might be able to change his/her style or his sense of fashion or his choice of food or his favorite restaurants but deep inside, you can't ultimately change someone at their cores. They might change when you are around but most of the time they'll get back to their habit when you're away. Changes are good of course but they have to come from the person himself, the people around can only advise, support or trigger the intention but the action begins with the belief that "I must change for myself". You can bring the horse to the water but you can't force it to drink remember? 

Something I learn about people, if they do it once they'll do it again. Awas. 



Saturday, 3 January 2015

2015


John Green, Looking for Alaska.

Hello everyone,

Its 2015 yeayy we're getting older yeayy we can do what ever we want yeayy it's the age of freedom yeayyy. Honestly nope, it's not total freedom yet not until err excuse me do they really have total freedom? Okay never mind. 

I can't believe that its a new year. I mean everything feels like yesterday just can't believe that I'm 21 now. Wow, time flies man.I mean yesterday you were 20, last week you were 17 then zapp you're 21. I don't know whether I should be happy or excited with this new beginning but for sure I do feel a little bit sad and regret because maybe I'm getting older but another thing that bothers me most is I think I haven't done anything great to humanity as a whole. I don't think that I contribute enough to the community than I should be doing. If only I can spare more time with something beneficial rather than go to school, met up with people, sleep, eat, study and that's it That's why one of my hopes and goals for 2015 is for me to open up to the world and reach to other parts of the system that I haven't been able to experience. Insya Allah. I don't want to spend my youth doing nothing and at the end of the day regretting everything. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my life, my friends and I, we do great stuffs too but I just want to you know do better things, mingle with more good people and enjoy life the way I should. I even thought of participating into more charity works. Yeah I would like to try that lah.

I don't really set up specific goals for 2015 probably because I know myself so well. Based on my experiences since the past 5 or 6 years, I am that type of person who is very eager and high at the beginning but towards the end, I will lost my sense then everything goes ups and downs. You won't imagine what happened but to be short, I kind of messed up everything haha.  So settling up specific goals is something that I did when I was in high school, it didn't work for me anymore. I don't want to have a 'must-do-list' or something like that because at the end I might achieve none of that. Maybe it would be better if I just go with the flow but make sure that I always on the right track towards my success. In my opinion, the most important thing is to know what you want in life, be consistent and work for it. So if you ask me my 'azam' for 2015 that is my answer, I set none but I focus more on achieving my previous goals  that I kept pent up inside since years.

You're 21, I wish you would act like a lady haha and stop thinking that you are young and it's okay to do stupid stuffs and all because honestly at this age, it's not okay. I think people will start taking you serious so come one liyana let's be a little bit decent alright. And ops one more thing, let's find a good guy to marry the one you love with all your heart. 

Good year, Insya Allah.






The most memorable and important people in life will be the families and friends who love me so much even though I know that I'm not very lovable haha. Thank you so mush for all the efforts and supports.