Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I'm writing about them. I do.

Saturday, 25 June 2016

Family law paper in 2 hours!

Salam alaik people!

Well actually no one is going to read ya bcs the blog is still in private mode lulz. Still it feels weird not to express my greetings or salam somehow (bajet alim I know hahaha). Astagfirullah, its Ramadhan yet I keep judging myself hahaha maybe okay sebab judge diri sendiri not orang lain. Whatever it is in case no one is going to read ya, at least I will read it over and over. #devotedme

So today I'm going to sit for my second paper for this semester. Its Family Law II (civil marriages). Did my islamic family law last semester and Alhamdulillah it was fine. So I kind of hope that today will turn out well too. Last thursday was my first paper, it was Unternational Law II. If I have to be honest, International law is not my forte and I find that subject as very challenging. Actually, I'm completely to be blamed because I never listened to Dr Shah's lectures. All I did was either playing with my phone or doing other work (exemplary sangat hahaha please jangan tiru). But overall I think I did okay for someone yang literally start from zero in that subject. No I'm not being confident that I'm surely pass ke apa but in my humble view, I did fine. I hope and I pray my lecturer will feel so too. Please let me pass! Its not exciting to fail any papers (international law especially no wayyyy). So far since sem1 until sem 6, tak pernah fail paper apa apa lagi even though ramai jer my batch mates yang fail. And they failed sometimes not because they are lazy or rak hafal cases ke apa. Sometimes its all about luck. The thing about law subjects in general is if you dah salah detect the issue then the whole 5-6 pages of answers you wrote are basically pointless. So thats why I always pray to Allah to give me the right dorection and guidance so that I can understand the question properly with the right and accurate answers.

I think thats all for today. Its almost 7am and my paper starts at 9am. Less than 2 hours, kind of nervous but I hope I'll be fine. Insya Allah. Amin.

p/s: Consume two cups of coffee and havent sleep a blink since semalam. Hope everything will be fine and right after I finish my paper, I'm going to sleep until berbuka hahahahaha.

Pray for me. Thank you.

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Should I public it?

Why do you keep your blog private?

I have so many things going on in my head, yet I can't find the right words to express them out. That's the problem with writing and expressing yourself, you have to do it often. That's how you get better. If not you'll get rusty, and I know it well it is never good to pent things up inside. The best way to be less stressed with life, or deal with difficult moments is to be open, express your hurt or happiness. You can write, you can talk about it, you can draw or anything as long as that makes you feel better.

Honestly I missed those era where I can just write about everything and anything that bothered me without thinking about the consequences. Consequences in what way? I think probably because I'm already 22 years old, I'm an adult I'd adopt some sort of fear. I personally did fear the fact that people might get hurt based on my words but at the same time I did feel like its not fair because they are supposed to feel so because what they'd did to me wasn't easy for me to comprehend either. Do you get it? Hahahaha. It's not fair for me to always think about others, to put other people before me but when it comes to the same situation, people always put their pride or ego first. Personally, still dealing with this issue and still can't find the right solution.

I'm not that afraid of being judged (we live in a judging society anyway) but I'm afraid that my words hurt people. That basically why I keep this blog in private. I just want to have a space where I can freely express myself, but at the same time I want to be honest with myself and the world. Am I demanding for a moon? Lol.

I started my old blog when I was in high school, and those were the moments that I treasured the most. Back then right after I finish my everyday school routine, I'll be sitting at the table writing about how my day was. Either it's great or horrible, I just didn't care much. There used to be days I feel extremely happy about something and these days I'm glad I recorded them (either in my blog or diary) because even if I did read those now, I can still feel the happiness and excitement like "Aah when I was 15 even being praised by the boy I'd crush in meant a lot" and things like that. Plus I can feel the pureness and innocence of a 15 year old girl everything I read those posts. Somehow makes me feel young, and hmm just happy. Good old days.

Same goes for bad days, if I came across something that ruined my mood, I'll definitely make sure that I wrote them down. Now at the age of 22 years old, I practically found myself I guess some sort of 'healed' from those bitterness. Maybe if I didn't express myself in the right way I might carry the burden until today like"Oh I hate that teacher who said I'm not good enough compared with other kids". Today probably because that happened so many years back, I can look at that in a more positive manner. Maybe she didn't mean it that way,  maybe it was just a slip of the tongue, maybe I was really lacking compared with others back then and thank god I'm improved (hopefully). Experiences (good or bad) help us to improve ourselves. Imagine if we'd never being in stress, conflicts and problems well I kind of doubt I will make it this far. So, for all the bad experiences, problems and traumas I'd faced, I don't know what is the right words or the right way to express it, I guess I'm just thankful. At least I'm becoming a better Liyana.

When you're given something, you didn't know it was a gift. Only after years you'd finally discover the truth. My God didn't test me for something I can't bear. Alhamdulillah.

I do have plan to un-private this blog. But still thinking about it. One of my friends advised me to public this blog because she wants others to read it.

"Let them know their mistakes, maybe they can learn. See whether they can rationalize the problem or not. Why are you afraid of hurting them? If they're hurt, that's their problems. They did the same to you, and even if they get hurt, it's still a fair play for both parties. But if they're really true people in your life, they'll reflect themselves. As much as you should be. That's how people learn".

"The thing about us, we are quick to forgive our acts. Yet we are very judgmental about others".

Saturday, 11 June 2016

You are not everyone's cup of tea.

Honestly these days I tried to be a little bit easy on people. I mean I used to be quite tense and serious I know probably because I have some sort of perfectionist nature to the extend I get stress when people are not behaving or acting the way I expected them to be. I used to be like that, but I'm changing. I know that of course I haven't completely change yet (still have flaws, still get stressed over simple things) but I'm trying my very best not to.

So in the process of me accepting people they way they are, I can't help myself from being easier on me too. One simple example is the older me won't accept the fact that I look ugly in a picture and I would never post that picture online, no way! But these days I'm being quite okay with it. I thought 'Well I can't look good everyday" so sometimes without any delay I just post such photos in my twitter or instagram lol. I watch different movies and listen to different music compared to what I used to. Some people are happy with the changes but some are not okay with it. They thought that I'm becoming someone else but the thing is I'd always being true to myself, its just that I'm changing certain things for the better. And so far I am quite happy with it.

Some people will like you, some people will hate you. Either way, you just have to live your life well.


Hello world!

Finally I manage to find some courage to write, after so many months of neglect and refusal. I've been busy with my usual stuffs: study-assignments-test-friends-family (repeat them over and over). I'm in my 6th semester right now (actually next week is my last week of classes, after that is final exams) and my life is hella busy. So hectic and everyday feels like a boot camp. There were few times I felt like not waking up from the bed and just indulge myself in the warmness and comfort of it, then my head will be popping up various questions like "Do I really have to do this?" "Can I just not go to class today?" and etc hahaha so childish I know but that's just how it is for me. 3 years of law school and I am really really tired. Looking back I don't know how I survive with all the craziness but personally I'm quite thankful that I end up here, I find myself to be tougher in certain aspects. Tired but someway somehow I manage to juggle things up.

Alhamdulillah :)