Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I'm writing about them. I do.

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Life and Death

Can't believe that on this lovely sunny morning, I'm writing about death.

Honestly, we have to admit that the idea of 'dying' do cross our minds sometimes, even not often.

Sometimes, I cannot contain myself from wondering about this. Maybe as I grew older, I have the tendency to be reminiscent of the time I'd spent, the sins I'd committed be it intentionally or unintentionally. Of course these kind of thoughts didn't come often, but when it does it makes me feel nostalgic, overwhelmed, sad and a little bit worried because to be honest there were days where I was unable to resist  sins and temptations of this world plus I don't think I'd live proper enough to be in heaven but hopefully Allah, the most merciful will forgive all my wrongdoings and place me in the proper place He wish to set me in.

Obviously, I am not ready to die well no one is ready for that by the way. We all want to live for the next two hundred years with good health and money isn't it? But well that's not how this world works. It's just that when it happens, it happens. Everyone will go through it, by hook or by crook. Either we're ready for it or not is well not much of an issue. One of my friends told me if we're given  'ready' to be the option to postpone things or wait until we're fully ready, chances are we are not going to be one even in the next 100 years because as humans, we're never ready.  Remember when we didn't study much for an exam, but we still have to sit for it regardless of the fact that we're not much prepared for it. The same principle applies when it comes to death.

Thoughts about death make me ponder about a lot of things, whether I had lived my life well? If I die, am I going to be in heaven or am I going to be dumped in the hell? I wonder about how my grandparents, relatives, friends who'd passed away before me, how are they doing down there?I hope they're doing fine, my prayers are always with them. I wonder if I die, is there anyone who's going to cry? Is there anyone who's going to get affected with my absence? I'm sure there will be at least a handful of people but I hope my death will bring them more strength than sorrow. If I die, what is going to happen to my family? Who's going to take care of my parents when they're sick? What about all my blog posts? Hopefully, someone close to me has the conscious to delete all my instagram posts, facebook posts whatsoever. I mean I have to prevent all kind of sins, am I? The blog posts well I hope they remain as they are right now because who knows someone might be missing me after I die and the only option for them is through my writing but someway somehow I'm a little conflicted because bad posts might unintentionally attract you more sins in the afterlife, isn't it? So, not sure.

In short, what I can conclude is basically I do fear death, and most of it is due to the fact that I'm not prepared for it. I can't say that I'm going to be more pious or an ustazah  or terus bertafakur on the sejadah and baca Quran 24/7 after this hahaha, the chances for those things to happen are actually quite low. In fact, I might just continue life the way I used to but with a little bit of appreciation and reminder that the time I spend on this  earth is not permanent. It somehow motivates me to enjoy life, to set my purposes right, to chase my dreams when I still have time  and finally to do more and more good things and contribute to the world as a whole.

In the end, isn't that the main reason we're here today? To suffer, to learn and to change.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Crazy weeks

So, I have two tests tomorrow and I'm so stressed right now. Now wait a minute, am I really stressed? Hmm maybe not, actually everything is fine except the fact that I haven't study or revise a thing on Solicitor's Account but well they say everything will be fine if you believe in yourself right? So I'm just going to keep calm and believe in myself because errr hmm because I think I'm the best lol. I know so over confident lah you right now, but honestly at this stage where you just have so many things to juggle, the best thing you can do is to sit back and do each thing slowly, passionately. Insya Allah, you'll be fine *pat myself*

Yup two tests tomorrow, Solicitor's Account and Criminal Procedure which will end at 11pm (Hopefully someone can remain conscious and jangan tidur during the tests :p ) and the good news is I also have a viva on Saturday for Forensic Science hahaha. I just can't say anything anymore, just laugh because my life is crazy. I'm not sure what others are thinking but my schedule is so absurd and messed up. Totally ripped off my whole energy. Then I'll have a break on Sunday (which paling bangang I have to prepare for all the coming tests and viva on this one and only day, rip my weekend). On Monday, I have viva convey. Tuesday, tort test, Wednesday, evidence test and have to submit one of the files for probate, Friday-contract presentation and family test. Saturday- hearing for probate. Crazy, basically I'll have no break at all, none until this semester ends. I really hope all these madness will come to an end please I cannot wait for any break because my life right now is going way too fast that I can't even control the pace I'm moving. But as you know, just when I thought I can finally sleep once the 14th week end, something crossed my mind : The finals! 


#ilovemylife  #iloveallthetests #iloveLLB #LLBiseasy #siapasuruhmasukllb #padanmuka #siapasuruhnakjadilawyer #testislife #pasrahandredha  #keepingmyselfsane #lifegoals

Cannot senyum anymore.

p/s: God, give me all the strength, health and luck that I need!