Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I'm writing about them. I do.

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

"I can't be the only one struggling right?"

So the last few days, some of my friends came to me and opened up about their problems or struggles. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to advise them on because me myself have tons of problems to begin with, but I think they kind of know that I can't provide exact solutions to their issues and they just want me to be there as a listener. Listening to their stories made me realize that actually I wasn't the only one struggling all these while. I mean we are all humans and we can't be happy all the time right? Everyone has their own so called bad days in this life. I always hate myself for being extra sensitive or a cry baby but it turns out that I was perfectly normal.

If I am to list out the struggling moments of my life hmm that would be a lot (23 years of pain hahahaha) but the one that I can clearly recalled would be last semester, when I was in semester 7 of LLB. Not exactly through out the whole semester, just few particular period only sebenarnya. During that particular period, I was pretty stressed with myself, my work, the environment I was in and pretty much everything in general. There were days where I really hate my life. I know that I might not lead an amazing or super interesting life before but I'd never consider it as a 'bad' one. Never until last semester. I can't precisely state what caused me to be in that state, the triggering factors were many and all mixed up together but it's okay those bad time had passed anyway. 

So I remember that I used to cry in the car alone few times after classes when I'm driving home (actually not few almost every freaking day), I felt like I have no one to turns to, the work loads assignments, tests, files were like so banyak, I didn't have faith in myself, I felt like I was the stupidest person in the world, I felt unattractive and basically all the bad things one can imagine.  I don't like to do work last minute because I will get super stressed but you know when you just had two many things to juggle within limited time, you cannot avoid from being last minute. And I'm not the kind of person who will go and share my problems with people, mostly if they didn't asked me first, I won't be making the move. So yeah when you pent everything inside, it kills you. I remember coming home and feeling lifeless, crying in the bathroom and all. Those were the worst period of my life. I wasn't happy.

Eventually, things get better. I'm in my last semester (8th semester) now and looking back I realize that nahhh things weren't that bad actually. I'm glad that at least I'd struggled few times in life at least those experiences mend me into a better person and I won't be who I am today without those bad days.

I'm not sure what is the best advice I can give to anyone who's struggling or going through their bad days but for sure, storms don't last forever and everything will be okay. I'm not sure whether this is helpful or not but trust me when I say time will heal everything. All these bad days will one day turns out to be a good laugh for you.  

Keep calm and wait for the rainbow :)

p/s: Wow, can't believe that I can be this positive. Impressive hahahahahahahahahaha.

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