Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I'm writing about them. I do.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Worrying solves nothing

"You are still young. Take it easy".

Sometimes,I forget the fact that I'm still young and its okay not to have everything figured out. Things take time. Honestly, there are so many things going on in my life and as much as I have to juggle everything, I can't stop myself from worrying in case everything that I had planned didn't turn out the way I expected them to be. In short, I overthink. 

In my case, I think there wasn't a single moment in my life where I think I was completely happy. Maybe there is few but I just can't think of one right now. When there's something great happened or I was like laughing, happy and stuffs, there's something inside my heart that keeps telling me to tone it down. Like "Liyana I know you are happy but be careful, you might cry tomorrow darling". Hahaha no I was kidding I never called myself darling, that's so ewww. I usually called myself stupid or crackhead or just 'girl' in general like its okay you got this girl. Sometimes when I did something extremely extremely stupid, I'll be like 'hey crackhead why are you acting like one stupid crazy girl ah? Stop you're embarrassing yourself'.

Still, what I'm trying to say is yeah I am that one girl who's afraid to let herself go, to let everything out just in case something unexpected or bad is going to happen. I used to be the one who gives everything for something or for people but then I discovered that once things messed up, or once people leave, it hurts me so freaking bad. So starting from that moment, I promised to be careful, not to set my expectation high, not to give my everything since we can't predict the future right? People change and leave, things are destroyed, memories fade and I'm not careful I might be left with nothing. I know that I sound so negative but honestly, I'm just being careful. We have to be prepared for "just in case" moments. 

So back to my story, yes I worry about a lot of stuffs. I'm not going to mention or discuss specifically each and every one of them but I think about them a lot. My 'what if's are killing me.   I won't say sampai tak tidur malam semua because takde lah I've been sleeping well jer haha. I keep telling myself to stop worrying, things are going to be just fine and there's so many opportunities for you in this world. They say the sky is the only limit but actually even the sky is not the limit. You set the limit for yourself, if you're willing to do something you can go extra miles for it. Again girl, stop worrying. Things will work their way out one day, maybe not today but one day they will. Everything is just inside our head. We're going to be just fine, with everything we have right now. Trust me.

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